Here We Are

In about 9 hours, this year, and more importantly this decade, will come to a conclusion. And because I'm not really capable of explaining this past decade, I'd rather reflect back on the year that was. Overall, 2009 was a great year all around. I did so many things and had so many things happen that I never would have dreamed of. First off, on just the second day of 2009, I fell in love with Lexa. Almost a whole year has passed since that point, and the current love I have for her isn't even close to that puppy love that it was back then. I won a championship, and so did the Yankees! I put up four consistent quarters in school, and am currently going further and further up the rankings in terms of myself. I finally clensed myself of who I used to be and am now all in all, a much better and more rounded individual than I was when this year started. Its really odd that two people undergo such change in their mental make-up, and still feel so strongly about one another. If it wasn't for the love and support of each other, we probably couldn't of done it. So I take this space here to thank you Lexa, for everything that you helped me along with this year. And I turn am glad for the love and support that gave to you as well this year. We bettered ourselves and developed as human beings to levels that twelve months ago probably would have been jokes.

So good-bye 2009. You'll always have a place in my heart for the sentimental value that you contain within. But at the same time, I welcome 2010 with open arms, anxious to see what this year can hold, and if it can somehow, top the year that currently passed.

Currently Listening to: Metallica - Ride the Lightening

Resolutions

Here are things that I wish to accomplish/goals for the year 2010:

-Have a 100+ average for the remaining 3 quarters(I'll live with 2 out of 3)
-Learn at least 3 of these songs: The Unforgiven, Nothing Else Matters, Wonderwall, All of This, Welcome Home(Sanitarium), ...And Justice for All, Sweet Home Alabama. If I happen to actually get the electric guitar, add Seek and Destroy, One, Fade to Black, For Whom the Bell Tolls, and The Thing That Should Not Be.
-Get my weight down to between 185-205. With that, I mean go down to at least having potentially forming abs. Same goes for the rest of the body. Basically, a full body tone.
-Get a job.
-Regardless if I make it or not, put enough effort into Baseball tryouts that people know you mean business.
-Learn how to properly pitch. Everyone says I have the body for it, well, now lets put this body to work. The slimming down will also help the velocity.
-Get a 5 on at least 1 of those 3 AP exams. I'm not gonna set unrealistic goals for myself and say all 3. I do however, feel that if I have a good chance at any of them, its Chem. But overall goals, get at least a 3 on all of them.
-Continue to eat healthier.
-Read 10 books. Starting off the New Year reading Joe Torre's helps too.

That's really it. Everything else is really a wish. You know, the usual: Get out of here, things get even better, etc. Can't wait for 2010!

And I Will Kick This Cold

Well, what is there really to say lately. Its true that there isn't much to write about when you're just up up and away. Although I have been a little under the weather lately, I still am happier than ever. I am no longer cut off from the world, mom is working, things are just finally going well. I know times such as this has happened before, but this is entirely different. There is finally...finally some faith in me that this is actually numbering these days of being here.

Anywayyyyy, things to do today since if I were to go outside I'd probably become frozen on impact:
-Finish AP US outlines. Both Cleveland terms shouldn't be that hard. I'll be really pissed if this doesn't recieve a +. I've been working my ass off and people had in shit and get +'s. I know hardwork pays off in the end, and it better apply to this situation.
-Play with my guitar. Learn the whole acoustic part to The Unforgiven, since I now know that its picked regularly.
-*fingers crossed on this one* Spend the day talking to my extremely lovely girlfriend. Nothing bad will happen to you on my watch, at least I hope not.
-Start Chem? Nahhhhhh....maybe :p.

Currently Listening to: Three Days Grace - Take Me Under

Finally...

The ebb and flow that is my life is finally at a balance. For the current moment, I cannot see the peak in which the rollercoaster rides up towards. I actually enjoy this feeling. The feeling of being at ease with everything. Maybe its just the linger of holiday feelings, who knows. All I know, is that I'm digging it and gonna keep digging it until its gone.

Most importantly, I'm finally doing things right again. I don't know what went wrong. But sometimes, its good to forgive and forget when the dice are rolling and everythings moving along.

Currently Listening to: Black Sabbath - War Pigs

Merry Christmas

I'm finally beginning to embrace the holidays. I got a phone finally! Everyone loved my gifts that for the first year, were actually of good quality. Most importantly, Lexa enjoyed her gifts and liked being with me and my family. I hope my mom takes up Aunt Lisa's offer and we all go out there for New Years. It would end my year on a perfect note if I could end the best year of my life happy with my family, and most importantly, my beautiful girlfriend.

Countdown to Opening Presents: 1 hour, 48 minutes

They Put A Bullet In Your Fucking Head

Well, since today I am free of assignments since I took the initiative yesterday, I don't know what to do with myself! I'm so used to coming home and doing AP US for hours, that I forget what I can do when I actually have free time. Well, hopefully we go running today. If not, I'll spend the day talking to that really beautiful girl I love. She is really great to me :).

Currently Listening to: Rage Against the Machine - Bullet In Your Head

Funnn

Yesterday was a great success. For once, I'm happy with what I'm giving people for Christmas this year. I actually feel like I accomplished something for once around the holidays.

As Metallica says good-bye on the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Concert, some things:
-I started my AP essay. Arguementative writing doesn't seem that challenging.
-I'm going to laugh tomorrow when Jimmy finds out his Christmas Present is a can of Monster.
-That story is going to be even funnier :D!
-Gonna go pick up one more gift for Beautiful tomorrow I think.
-Excited for those guitars. That's when I'll really kick it up and go all out on trying to play it.
-I need to do more baseball things. Unfortuntately, this year, winter really is winter.

Currently Listening to: U2 - Vertigo(cause its on TV lol)

Hi

I never ask you for anything, but please God, help her. All I ask, is that fix all of that for her. She doesn't deserve these things. She especially doesn't deserve this during her favorite time of the year. If you have any ounce of decency in you, you'll help her out, so this way both me and you can see her make one of her beautiful smiles.

(Let it go.)

Sigh

I have to find a way to get over this. Obviously if I don't, I'll ruin our relationship again. I guess rather than compromise, she can have her whole way.

To remind myself, I'm going to put this in each blog post: Let it go.

I'm Tired

Of fighting about your social life, but honestly, what the hell? Why is being asked to come home at 9 a big deal? Excuse me if I would like to talk to you at 9 like we do every weekend/break. Why is it if you leave at 3, 4 PM, that staying out until 8, 9 PM isn't enough. That's 4-5 hours, are you for real? Get the fuck out of here with complaining about that. Again, pardon me for feeling that I'd have my normal talking time with you over the break and that we can maintain something we always do. No, go on with your social life. After all, its really important, obviously. Honestly, if theres an issue about it, instead of being a pissy bitch, how about you try expressing yourself, you know, do that communcation thing that hasn't been there for a while now. It couldn't hurt to actually talk about your feelings.

Other then that bs, weather pending, I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I can finally do some decent Christmas shopping. And if I don't, well, then I can watch snow fall and wait until tomorrow or the next day. We better go running today Vin. I don't care if a fridge falls on you. I want to run.

Currently Listening To: Metallica - Struggle Within(almost too literal)

No the Sunshine Never Comes

Just bullshitted a critical lens for English. I don't know why I had trouble writing it. I felt beforehand like I was going to breeze through it. Oh well.

Things to do tonight:
-Write my second sports article of my new blog. Tonight's topic, the New York Yankees Offseason Plans.
-Figure out a schedule to manage the massive AP US we have. 5 chapters of vocab, 5 Presidents, an essay, and a presentation due in January. And I'd rather try and start ASAP rather then waiting until the last minute.
-Look over labsheet for Chem Lab tomorrow. It sounds like its going to be fun. Nothing like toxic chemicals and noxious fumes that requires the fume hood.

I'm kinda mad at the fact I can't go running again. Luckily, everything else offsets the madness. She's finally gotten that break and has a job again. Hopefully the days at this shithole have now become numbered.

Currently Listening To: Metallica - The Day That Never Comes(Oh but it has :) )

Well..

Today was a tad bit stressful. Started off the day needing a ride to school because of problems with the bus. I had four tests: Chem, English, AP US, and Sports Marketing, I'm tired, and just want to cuddle up with Lexa and have nice conversations. Oh, wait, I can't...because not only is she out, shes not answering her phone, which she said I could talk to her on. Ugh, why does everything always go wrong for me?

Edit: 3:26. I just don't know anymore. I really don't. I'm just upset with everything. I'm tired of fighting. I love her to the point where I physically cannot live without her. I just wished either I didn't get so worked up over everything or she just wouldn't do all these things when I need her. AND, I JUST FOUND OUT I HAVE NO ONE TO GO RUNNING WITH CAUSE OF BACK PROBLEMS. I really give up.

P.S: Orginially, I was going to come home and write about how upset I am that I can't ever get a good nights sleep. I just want to know what I do wrong that I suffer more than any other person.

Sorry Blog

Sorry if this new sports blog will at anypoint take up your time, current blog. I just need to get a jumpstart on my sports writing, I need to start refurbishing and perfecting it so I can have something to use in the future.

Well, I enjoy coming home and for once, NOT having to do AP US. I'm going to enjoy writing these articles, simply because writing is fun and writing about Baseball is even funner.

Well, off I go, to write about the sport with the red stitched white sphere.

Edit: 3:15 PM, Well, that was a downer to find out. And of course, like everything, I can't even get mad at her, cause its for a good cause. Why? Why does life screw with me to where I can't ever, just once, have my cake and eat it too? Couldn't once, I just get an off day and not have her needing to go somewhere so I can just talk to her, and have conversations with the person I enjoy talking to the most in this world. Gay.

And Sometimes I Wonder...

whither or not you'd really be better off without me to screw up your life and bring you sadness.

The Four Horsemen

So while I listen to a fabulous guitar solo courtesy of Kirk "The Ripper" Hammett, time to unleash a little thoughts. I just got suggested a completely retarded thing for our car situation. There we go, instead of potentially getting jailed for possession of an illegal vehicle, lets get jailed for breaking and entering and larceny, cause you know, that's smart. Anyway, I feel kind of eh on this Sunday morning. As much as I enjoy waking up early and getting a fresh start to my day early, I just need that one day a week to sleep in, and I physically can never get it.

My hair doesn't feel that bad at the length it currently is, which is considerably longer than I usually allow it to grow. I don't know, I'm beginning to not care what everyone else thinks of it and grow it. To take a quote from someone I know, "I'm the one that has to deal with it everyday." I probably won't, not yet anyway, but its an attractive thought.

I have to try and get at least two, maybe one and a half chapters of AP US done today. God this past week sucked with assignments. I'm going to hate Christmas break workwise. We've already been put down for assignments in US, English, and Chem, so it looks like I'll be spending my entire break working, just like summer :/.

I feel myself slipping in my guitar practices. I'm losing patience with this acoustic, and it is making me not want to play it anymore. I so badly want a new guitar, or at least a functioning one. I can care less if its an electric or acoustic. I just want something that I can actually produce music with. I don't want to quit this, but this guitar is putting me on the edge of, and that's the last thing I want to do, quit.

Things to Accomplish Today:
-30+ vocab words.
-Catch up on The Things They Carried.
-If there is any break in the rain, go running, regardless if its with or without Vin.
-Clean up my "area."

I'm excited to go Christmas shopping next weekend. For the first Christmas in, god, probably THE FIRST Christmas, I can actually not shop cheap and get people decent gifts. Jimmy is going to laugh when he sees his Christmas present is Monster. Then again, its the thought that counts right?

Currently Listening To: Metallica - The Unforgiven III

I don't want, to, dieeeeeeeeee...

I've often heard the expression that "teenagers are angry." Of course, those who say it, are fully grown adults, and don't comprehend why we're angry, but are perfectly capable of understanding their own anger when they were in our shoes. And it can be clearly seen through any time period and any aspect of society. It can be seen through music, television, almost anywhere. And this brings my brain to ask myself: Why am I angry?

Well, personally for myself, there are a ton of reasons. I'm angry because:
-I'm probably the only person in my grade without a phone.
-I'm probably also the only person in the situation I'm currently in.
-I'm tired of hearing arguing over who sleeps more. I swear, if this doesn't stop, you can both sleep forever.
-I'm tired of being here.
-We're going to spend possibly three days celebrating an eight, now nine year-old's birthday for the next three days, yet he did everything in his power to warrant not even an acknowledgement. For me, I got a day out at the mall, a dinner, cake, then a party that honestly nobody cared about me being there, cause it was a bs convention for my mother, and absolutely not about me at all.
-I'm tired of no one but Lexa caring.

I guess that concludes my rant for today. I don't know what else to say, other then him celebrating his birthday for three days does mean that Lexa gets to give her Christmas Card to Aunt Lisa and Uncle Don.

Currently Listening To: Metallica - Ride the Lightening

This is really...

Pissing me off. I swear to god, I'm getting tired waking up and having to sit in the dark because these fucking people think they're college kids. Yeah, these are responsible adults, REAL responsible, going to bed at fucking probably 7 AM. It's really starting to piss me off more and more.

0...12-12--3-3h5h3p2

Not really much to say today. I'm happy I got another World Series magazine, those are really cool. I'm going to try and complete as much of my damn list as I can. I finished my Presidential Outlines, and decided to give myself the remainder of today off from school work since I don't have anything due tomorrow besides that anyway. I'm excited for my field trip tomorrow. I'm going to make sure I get great pictures of things such as the Monuments, the Clubhouse, the Dugout, all that shit. Maybe I'll get lucky and someone from the team, even an executive maybe, will be there. I think I'll get a jump and update my rosters as best as I can. Always love playing as up to date as possible until I get MLB 10 next spring.

Hint: Maybe since you can't pick up on elaborating about your day, you could try telling my what exactly was random and irrelevant, what you did during your free period times, and try actually remembering what it is you do in Physics. I'm kind of starting to get offended by you not telling me anything anymore.

Currently Listening to: The Four Horsemen - Metallica

Am I Evil, Yes I am.

Goals for this Tuesday afternoon:
-Finish Presidential Outlines. The bare minimum I'll allow myself to get away with will be doing just Davis and Johnson. Honestly, there is no reason I shouldn't finish these today.
-Be at about 50% done with my Christmas list. God I wish I knew what I actually wanted :/.
-We're going to do just track today, because I want to run. Goal: between 2 and 3 miles.
-Make sure there will be a set time to pick up my stuff. I really want my camera and keys.
-Read story for English. I dislike the AP textbook.

That's quite doable. Well, no more delaying. Lets get started!

Currently Listening to: Am I Evil? - Metallica

(P.S. Currently, if I were to be a Major League Baseball Pitcher, my intro music would be Through the Never)

All it is

Running is a great sensation. Its great for all aspects of the body, as well as the mind. Running has been one of my greatest ideas lately. I'm getting in shape as well as guarenteeing I have another person to converse with on a daily basis.

Thoughts:
-Gonna work on this X-Mas list over the next couple of days.
-I feel kind of retarded I rated my overall happiness as a 5/10.
-Finally got those library books back.
-They better get that camera from Lexa, or I will be pissed off.
-Going to go do that lab at 6:30ish, so I can hand it in tomorrow. While on the topic of Chem, going to study so I can ace that quiz tomorrow. I'm pretty sure I'll do well, I'm really good at the reactions.
-"Dude, what you need is a job." -Vin. Trust me, I know.

All in all, I feel okay on this Monday evening.

Currently Listening to: Through the Never - Metallica

And...

Sometimes I wonder if it really is me. I don't know what it is I do wrong sometimes. All I'm doing is looking out for her and all I'm getting is attitude in return. And of course, my "looking out for her" is always interpreted as "me being an asshole and not wanting her to go out and ruining her life blahblahblah..."

I've already done my AP Chem homework on this really cold Sunday morning. Fuck, its cold. Hopefully Vin will still want to do track or handball today despite the balls cold weather. Hopefully he will so he can motivate me to want to, cause right now, I just want to stay inside and talk to....Oh, right, you won't be around. Well, now to find something else to do on this dull, boring afternoon.

Edit: 11:05 AM
Looking through my old blog posts, I listed my rankings of likings of my classes. Well, now in December, I think its time for a little re-rankings:
8. Spanish (Stayed)
7. Sports Marketing (Stayed)
6. AP English (Dropped 4)
5. Pre-Calc (Dropped 1)
4. AP US (Up 1)
3. Psych (Down 2)
2. Gym (up 4)
1. AP Chem (Up 2)

Interesting how opinions on things change over the course of a few months.

Currently Listening To: Californication - Red Hot Chili Peppers

Quack

Things to try and do tomorrow since I'll be Lexaless :/
-(This is more I have to do) AP Chem HW
-Play with....we'll still call it a guitar for now
-Weather Pending, play handball
-If all else fails, I guess just chat with people
-Maybe watch Nightmare on Elm Street(But I kind of want to save that for us to do together :/)

Although today started and ended on a...well, blah note, all in all it was a pretty good day. I got a few ideas of what to get people, and I'm narrowing down what to get Beautiful AKA Lexa. I'm considering selling that Gamecube sitting under my game area so I have more money. I want to be able to get more people gifts then just Lexa. I'll probably ask Grandma if she can help me so I can at least make people happy and feel like I'm actually taking responsibility, and not just feeling like I'm a letdown and gonna keep acting like a child forever.

Short, Sweet, to the Point

Today is going to go well. We're gonna have a good day and things are going to be fine.

Agenda:
-Get brother B-day Present.
-Search for things to possibly get people.
-Look at things I might like to replace the more expensive things.
-Eat lunch, thats it for the mall. No excess eating.

Reasons Why...

...Tomorrow will be great:
-Out of this damn place that is really beginning to take it's last tolls on me.
-Going to be at the mall looking in places for things to put on my mind to try and get people.
-(Hopefully) Will be with my bestfriend along with my beautiful girlfriend.
-Even though I joke to her about her gay town, the tree lighting is a good cause, so that will be fun(hopefully the weather doesn't fuck it up too much)
-Did I mention not being in this motel room?

In other news, I still can't find a good song to learn that will compensate for this, well, the best term that comes to mind is retarded, guitar. I need to show that I am sticking to this. I know for a fact they probably think I'm just fucking around with it. I seriously want to keep playing and keep playing and getting better. This guitar limits me too much though. Its too crappy to do anything on. I also for some reason have the sudden urge to grow out my hair. Take that beautiful :p!

So...

Since death has been on my mind since last night, anything from wanting to be a part of it to just death in general...lets not talk about that.

Instead, lets keep these goals in mind:

-Learn something on guitar, anything. I need to start putting more effort into this rather than just the current fucking around I do now. I'm gonna find a song and stick with it and learn the shit out of it.
-2nd Quarter: Cracking a 100 motherfuckers!
-Keep this daily exercise up, it'll benefit you.
-I have to start keeping up with my diet as well. To be honest, I've still been eating whatever I want. That has to stop. I think I'm just going to go with this:

• No execessively large meals anymore than once a week
• No eating after 8:00 on weekdays, 10:00 weekends/offdays
• Try to eat healthy things over unhealthy things. Basically, pick up an apple instead of a bowl of ice cream
• No seconds unless the first wouldn't fill anyone

-Keep writing everyday. Something is still something, as long as it was written

Edit: 3:40 PM. She truly is amazing. I'm more glad than words can fathom to explain that she is mine forever. "good smile baby, smile forever and ever until...just keep smiling baby" I should live and die by those words, I really should..

Gonna Happen

As soon as this (hopefully)aircard is in our possession, I'm going to make sure I write here more often. I enjoy expressing myself.

By the way, with what someone just told me...makes me wish I had friends besides a 24 year old that asks me to hang out with them. Whatever, fuck everybody. Fuck you too, with all your friends that actually want to see you out of school.[/angry rant with not actually meant fucks]