RIP

Good-bye blog. I really don't want to use you anymore. I feel like using this to put my thought into perspective isn't working with me anymore. But don't worry, I shall return. I have a baseball season starting soon, so I will start up a new, better blog to document how that is going.

Finally, I can relax. Everything is good again. I don't have to sit up at night, wondering if shes getting any sleep up there. I don't have to wonder if everythings okay when I'm not on the phone with her. Thank god this is over.

D:

I'm still kind of in shock. This is just so hard to accept. I couldn't even focus at all today. That image of seeing what happened is just on replay in my mind. Part me is still so scared to even see her. I don't know if I can compose myself around her while shes like that. Its just an image that feels really brutal to try and stand. I really feel like we're one, cause part of me feels like its in pain, like its taken a hit....by a car.

I kiss my bracelet you made me and look up everytime I do hoping that those kisses make their way to your soul.

I woke up, and it wasn't all a dream...

Like you've got to be fucking kidding me? How does this shit always end up happening to her? I'm still like, in shock that it happened. Sleeping felt like a war last night. Hopefully I do get up and see her later. She needs me, and I need her.

:)

It felt soo good to see her yesterday. I had missed physical contact with her so much, that if felt good to finally hug, and kiss, and hold her again. I really love sitting there with her, laying down and listening to music. Its rather soothing and creates a great mood. Can't wait for next Sunday. Its a great feeling when you look into her eyes and she has that cute smile. Makes you melt inside and make you unable to feel anything but in love.

So today is Superbowl Sunday, supposedly. The only thing super about it to me is that it starts my countdown to Spring Training. The only thing I even care about is that I want the Colts to win, thats really it. I don't care about the hype or the commercials, or anything else. The only thing I care about is sitting there, enjoying the company of my loved one, that girl who can make me melt with just a cute smile.

^ Sorry, that was my venting of frustration and snapping as well. I hope this "talk" does something later...:////

Ugh

I REALLY CAN'T STAND THIS SHIT ANYMORE...I REALLY CAN'T. I'M NOT THE PARENTS. IT SHOULDN'T BE UP TO ME OR HER TO FIND OUT HOW SHE CAN GET HOME. IT ISN'T OUR FAULT THAT THEY HAVE NO MONEY TO SPEND FOR A CAB. I really wish I had my own car...or just lived right next to her. I'm really starting to get upset to the point where eventually you're gonna tell me she cannot come over here unless she has a definite way home beforehand...its just not fair...it really isn't....why me?

I fucking hate life.

All this talks of ISP's this morning for NHS and her dance make me upset. I'm going to have no leverage come time for college. I physically can't even do anything. I can't better my chances in life when I have to be home to watch my brother. And as usual, jealously came out in the form of anger this morning when we were discussing it..

Here is too what hopes to be a good weekend.

Juxtaposing

Things to dooooooooooo:

-Finish up English questions. It isn't due until Friday, but why do it tomorrow?
-5:00: bread chicken cutlets for Laura-Lee so we can eat at a good time.
-GUITAR

Not really much on the mind, except sometimes spending the extra 10-15 minutes on homework to double check that its right isn't that bad.

:\

I hate these days when things are dark like this. But sadly, I just had to say everything I said. I love her too much to see her act like that and feel that way. I just can't wait for the day we're on our own together so none of this matters anymore.

How about this blast from the past: Some days wouldn't be special, if it wasn't for rain. Joy wouldn't feel so good, if it wasn't for pain. Death gotta be easy, cause life is hard. It'll leave you physically, mentally, and emotionally scarred.

:/

I still have that really bad feeling in my stomach that her going away this weekend is going to hurt this relationship. Please, PLEASE, let me be wrong..

The Motto Is...

Forgive and forget...

I can't wait to come home today. I can finally have conversations with you again. I really missed you this weekend. It was like....well, Sunday, it literally was like I was single. I didn't talk to you at all yesterday. What happened :(...

Well, heres to a fresh new week, in a fresh new month, in a fresh new semester.

31

As I successfully complete a ratio of 1 blog post per day for the month, I'm alright now. I've honestly just...rerouted the missing of her to where it doesn't bother me anymore. Its most likely(actually, is) not bothering her, so why should I let it get to me then. We're going to go to get some shopping done soon. In a sense, I've had a very relaxed sort of weekend.

Don't think because of what I just said that I don't miss you..

Sunday

Part of me doesn't even want to talk to her today when and if she calls me. Its just not the same. I feel like I'm not even missed. I don't feel loved and I certainly don't feel cared for. Getting one phone call per day the past two days in which she hasn't really said shes missed me or any of that makes me feel very uncared for. Of course I'll probably feel wrong when she gets home Monday morning to read this, which I'm also probably wrong for feeling that was bullshit.

You're probably sitting there right now eating breakfast or talking to her or something. I'm sitting here trying to figure out what I can do to give you the best Valentine's Day you deserve. Try and figure out who's putting more into this..

Well, lets go have a good time. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

ASDFGHJKL;'

I'm losing my mind. I never have felt so....lost. This is pathetic. Obviously I'm showing that I need her a lot more than she needs me. I'm pathetic. I can't even go two days without her...

In the end...

its what you sacrafice for the one you love that makes them happy. As much as I hate not seeing you this weekend, you obviously wanted to do this if you didn't even consider anything before telling her yes. So I'll sacrifice a weekend of seeing and talking to you if it keeps that cute smile on your face. I still miss you so much though....it hurts again.

As much as I'd like to be mad right now, I just can't. I miss her too much. I need her to talk to. I need her to hold, to hug, to kiss, to just be with. And I can't do that until next weekend now. Why me? Why do these shitty things always manage to happen to me.

Well, hope you have fun babe....at least one of us will. I just wish you'd call me or talk to me at some point.

It is what it is. She wants to go enjoy her weekend without me, I'll return the favor. I bet you she was told I called and didn't even ask if she could call me. I really don't care at this point now. I'm so pissed that she wouldn't refuse this or put it off that I really have nothing to say.

UGH

That really ruined my weekend. I can't believe she would do that, without even asking me if it was okay. She just dropped seeing me like I was an old habit. Whatever. But you've been feeling more in love lately. Okay, cause everyone whos been feeling more in love just goes to someones house for the weekend.